Why get married?

 

The most important reason to get married, and why you will miss out if you don't.

In this article:

• Why the divorce rate should not discourage you from getting married
• The most important question to ask yourself about marriage
• The unique benefits of marriage
• Why single people can't have this benefit, even if they live together

Does avoiding the risk of divorce, by deciding not to marry, make sense?

Let’s apply this type of question to other subjects and see if they make sense for you.  “We shouldn’t buy cars because so many people have accidents.”  “We shouldn’t have children because so many parents have bad relationships with their children.”  “We shouldn’t try to start a business because four out of five new businesses fail.”  Do you see the problem with this kind of reasoning? When we try to prevent risks, we also prevent successes. We become less and less happy. 

Being single doesn't prevent risk

Ask yourself the question, “Why have a boyfriend or girlfriend, if so many unmarried couples break up?”  The statistics for unmarried people staying together are terrible.  Maybe you have even had some yourself that have gone wrong.  Staying single does not increase the security of a relationship. It just makes it easier to get out of one. People who are less committed to each other work less hard to stay together. It is convenient, but it isn't satisfying.

The right questions about marriage,

or business, or education, or having children, or any other thing are, “What are the potential benefits?” and “How can I be one of the successful people?”  By doing what happy couples do, we can both minimize the risk of divorce and get the benefits of marriage. That is, we make decisions based on what we can gain rather than what we can lose.  Proven methods bring better results (like getting business training makes people starting businesses much more likely to succeed).

Marriage is not about being "legal".

Marriage has been around a lot longer than governments have. The benefits of marriage are not connected to that little piece of paper from the courthouse that says you are married.  I don’t know anyone who has put that on their wall or looked at it twice.  The legal process of marriage is mundane, boring, not interesting.  So, if marriage were about having a piece of paper that you never look at, I would avoid it at all costs. Fortunately, it's not...

The benefits of marriage really have to do with the relationship between husband and wife and the commitment to live as One.

Living as One means becoming like one body. What benefits you benefits me and what hurts you hurts me. There is individuality in marriage, but it is an extension of the marriage rather than something separate.  “Marriage,” then, really means “Joining” in the sense that two pieces fit together to make one object.  A girlfriend and boyfriend are like a hammer and a nail.  Matching, but only providing a sample of what husband and wife can have. Husband and wife are like a hand and an eye.  Each is very important, each can do great things, but together they are capable of doing much more than either one could alone.

Now, you might wonder why you can’t have this as boyfriend and girlfriend.

The reason is that the level of commitment needed to be a hand and an eye is one so strong that jealousy and insecurity are banned from the relationship.  That is not possible in a relationship in which someone has not committed their whole life to you.  That escape hatch they have will cause jealousy and insecurity to remain in the relationship.  Whatever your boyfriend or girlfriend wants will be run through a jealousy/insecurity filter.  If either of these are triggered, then your heart will not be into helping him/her with the desires of his or her heart.

If you have really committed your love and life to someone, then you will help them to achieve the desires of their heart, even if you have some fear that you could lose him or her.

That is trust.  Trust is what love risks to get more than what insecurity could have. Trust is the cornerstone of marriage and growth.  Without it, there is no growth, only compromises, and a gradual slide into the roommate syndrome.

If this sounds radical to you, it’s just because it’s not fashionable now.

The Oneness idea goes back to the Garden of Eden.  It’s a hard thing for the “Me” generation to commit themselves to helping their mates to achieve their dreams.  But, when both husband and wife do that, what blossoms from the marriage is far greater than what they could achieve on their own and far greater than what they could have were they not married.  You can see it a little more normally if you consider that we want to do what is best for our children, and we help our business partners to grow a great business together, although his/her dreams may be different from ours.  Why should it be any less in marriage?

If people are going to marry without committing,

without really “joining”, and without really working in the best interest of each other, then I would be the first to agree that there is no reason to marry.  Marriage was never meant to be a piece of paper.  It was God’s gift to show us the beauty and wonder of being joined to another person, and a sample of what it is like to be joined to Him.  On our own, we struggle, but together we can love and live and be happy.

If you are already married, and find that you are one of the couples that is not moving toward oneness, it is not too late. Learning how can change your relationship and your future, in a very wonderful way.